ACM & UPE present
The R A G M A G
Vol. 1, No. 1
September 1991
OK, GUYS, HERE IT IS... FINALLY!!!
The UTEP chapters of the Association for Computing Machinery (ACM) and Upsilon Pi Epsilon (UPE) have joined together to put this (almost) entirely humorous publication for ... ok, ok, who am I kidding... we did it for US! (But if you happen to be amused, well, that's ok with us.) ENJOY!
IMAGINE IF YOU WILL.....
Dr. Gelfond on a Harley...
and Dr. Kreinovich in the sidecar...
Dr. Bernat at a Motley Crew concert...
Dr. Przymusinska playing Hunt...
Dr. Cooke at a Hari Krishna convention...
Dr. Cooke on stage with M.C. Hammer...
Prof. Bell taking anything too seriously...
John Kennedy as a father (congrats John!!!)...
The Computer Science department with equipment...
Valentine's Day at the Old Plantation.
WHERE HAVE YOU HEARD THIS BEFORE?
Are you with me? Gelfond
Is this clear? Gelfond
Interesting... Bell
In the real world... Bernat
When you achieve Total Consciousness... Cooke
In Russia there is this anecdote about... Kreinovich
Please approach me. Kreinovich
What does it mean? Kreinovich
I don't know what I mean, but it's what Bernat
I said.
I know what you mean, but that's not Gelfond
what you said.
DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY....
UT Austin has 3 Crays and they're not even accredited in CS?
We have to pay $5O for a text book when the professor hands out oodles of xerox copies of other books?
Professors can make oodles of xerox copies of other books and no one cares?
We have to pay thesis fees if you don't even get to use the copy machine?
THE LOST CLASS
The RagMag has discovered through unnamed sources the following classes that were proposed, but were later cancelled due to budget cuts (or lack of insight, whichever you prefer).
Classes that were supposed to be offered during Spring '91:
Course Title Instructor
------ ----- ----------
CS6435 HUNT forthefunofit Sam the "Slimer"
CS1435 Lab for HUNT John the "Predator"
This class is a survey of modern computerized warfare. The course will cover such modern military tactics as grenade launchers, satchel charges, survivable nuclear warfare and the most exciting new field of modern ballistics: Sliming. The Lab associated with the class will involve many hours of simulated warfare on a very advanced computer system (VAX 11/78O).
Prerequisites: Psychology 3339 or permission of the instructor. The instructor for the spring is tentatively scheduled as Sam Pedroza. Please talk to him or his TA John Corbin (really, he likes questions).
CS3101 Introduction to Russian Staff
This class is intended to help the students to better comprehend the CS faculty during seminars, and occasional outbursts of frustration.
CS3330 Prolog Gelfond M.
CS3331 Prolog and You Gelfond M.
CS3332 The History of Prolog Gelfond M.
CS3590 Advanced Prolog Gelfond M.
CS3591 Really Advanced Prolog Gelfond M.
CS3592 Prolog For Those Who Didn't Gelfond M.
Think That The Last Course
Was Advanced Enough.
CS3340 CASE: Coordinating Awkward Cooke D.E.
and Stupid Engineers
CS3341 Zen and the Art of CASE Cooke D.E.
For those who wish to
achieve Total Consciousness
CS3343 SuitCASE : The potential for Cooke D.E.
CASE at IBM
CS3344 BasketCASE : For those who Cooke D.E.
understood the last course
CS3345 JustInCASE : For those who Cooke D.E.
still haven't had enough
CS3310 SmallTALK Bernat A.
A class where students treat
modules as objects
CS3311 SarcasticTALK Bernat A.
A class where students are
treated like objects
The RagMag actually found out when and where the next two classes were going to be held.
CS3321 Concurrency I Bernat A.
MWF 10:30 - 11:20 CRBL 305
CS3322 Concurrency II Bernat A.
MWF 10:30 - 11:20 LART 201
CS3101 Computer Programming... Staff
For Those Who'd Rather Not
CS4120 Computer Programming... Staff
For Those Who Can't
CS3325 Working in the REAL WORLD Ray Bell
(Because no one else Bob Gonzalez
really knows)
CS3221 Conflicting Clothing Styles Przymusinska H.
in Eastern Europe Kreinovich V.
CS4101 Everything you ever wanted Przymusinska H.
to know about Pascal in ten
weeks or less (Taught in English)
CS4101 (Taught in Polish) Przymusinska H.
CS4101 (Taught in Russian) Przymusinska H.
CS4101 (Taught in French) Przymusinska H.
.
.
.
CS4102 How to make college students Drew Bernat
look stupid
CS3500 DOS and OS/2 For Advanced Misha Koshelev
Students
New EE courses:
EE3577 Distributed Processing Gibson G.
A survey of computer
architecture systems.
EE3578 Computer Architecture Gibson G.
A survey of computer
data communications systems.
EE3579 Data Communications Gibson G.
A survey of computer
distributed processing systems.
EE3497 Structured Programming
using Pascal Williams D.H.
Previously Scheduled Faculty / Student Seminars
Programming without GO TO's: Is it Possible? Williams D.H.
GO TO's: The heart of the sixth Williams D.H.
generation languages.
GO TO: Hell! Cooke D.E.
Zen and the Art of Prolog Cooke D.E.
Do Faculty members know how to read manuals? Corbin J.
Proving Life, the Universe, Bernat A.
and Everything is 42.
Everything you wanted to know about Prolog Kreinovich V.
but were afraid to ask... Dr. Gelfond.
How to phrase your questions properly. Gelfond M.
Why I really need a PS/2, an HP Vectra, Bernat A.
a SUN workstation, a laser printer,
and a CD ROM machine that plays music.
Non-monotonic logic for everybody Watson R.
Logic is your friend Watson R.
Prolog: Language of the Gods Watson R.
How to brown-nose using Prolog Watson R.
The best beers for Studying Kennedy J.F.
Beer on a Budget: Kennedy J.F.
An overview of the cheap stuff
QUOTABLE QUOTE
When the representative from EDS asked a group of UTEP Computer Science students "How many lines is too long for a COBOL program?" Richard Watson proclaimed loudly, "ONE!" Way to go, Richard!
AWARDS, AWARDS. AWARDS...
Walking pneumonia, Chicken-Pox, a child with Chicken-Pox, while being a grader for Dr. Przymusinska's two automata classes, not to mention being a full-time student, she had gone through it all. The winner of the RagMag's "If It Weren't For Bad Luck, I'd Have No Luck At All Award" goes to Bonnie Traylor. Congratulations.
The RagMag's "Big Brother" Award goes to whoever decided to assign codes for the copy machine. (P.S. If you don't like it ... take a number!)
Those authorized to use the copy machine are now assigned an access code which must be entered before the machine will work. (If you are a grad student doing research, however, you must have a note from your mommy)
Congratulations recipients, you've earned it.
BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS....
Grad School Can Be a Pain
Recently, it occurred to me, that the process of selecting a gradate committee, a thesis topic, a project vs. thesis, etc. is in need of revision.
I believe that to be required to come up with a preliminary plan of study in the 2nd semester of graduate school, (at which time you have to specify whether you will be taking the thesis or project route, at which time you do not really
understand the difference between thesis or project because you really haven't engaged in any real research, at which time you're wondering what classes from an already limited selection will be offered over the next semester or so, at which time you really don't know which professor does what or if you do, you're
not really sure if their area is your cup-of-tea, at which time you are not sure if your interests are really your interests or a fleeting fancy) is somewhat inappropriate. Let's not forget, that the only difference between us after two semesters of Grad Studies and the end of our undergrad studies, is six courses
of Grad school of which four may have been the CORE courses required and 2 may have been whatever is left to take. So I ask you, is it reasonable to assume
that we are in a position to make such decisions for our preliminary plan of study?
But wait, before you cry that I cry without cause, I realize that the preliminary plans are as their name suggests - preliminary. We are not bound to
them to any great extent, and we have the ability to change our committee, our course plans, and even our intended topic. But is this wise? Is it wise to let the blind wander into unknown territory without a white stick or a seeing dog, then hand them their seeing dog or stick after they fall? You can pick up some
nasty bruises that way. (I hear the echo of a certain department chairperson; "Welcome to the real world. . . .").
One thing that I have learned from this fine and happy department of ours, is that you shouldn't point out problems, without having solutions. This is a very good rule to live by and normally I try to. So as you may have gathered, I
really don't have any good solutions and I'm really only writing this because the editors of the new "CS RagMag" asked for something of a more serious nature. I thought about summarizing, in less than a page, the Church-Turing thesis, just for the heck of it, but I have a really bad headache (and I'm not into
intellectual suicide anyway).
If I was pressed to come up with some solutions, I think it would be wise for the profs. and grad students to come up with a "how to pick a thesis committee and topic, and how to know whether you really want to do a project or thesis"
manual for graduating seniors. Don't ask me what the contents of this manual would be, since I have asked most professors throughout my studies the same questions and I still find myself writing complaining articles in RagMags. BUT
believe me, I AM NOT ALONE. I have conversed with a few other students on the same matter and they have as many qualms with the process as I do.
Perhaps the heart of the problem of not knowing what the process is or should be, lies in the answer to the question of why we really come to grad school. In an ideal situation, we should probably be here because we found a particular
area incredibly interesting in our undergrad studies that we would like to
pursue further, or of course we should be here if we want to enter a field of research/teaching oriented work. Wanting to start at a better level of pay, not feeling as though you know enough after your undergrad studies in spite of your good grades, or your undergrad grades indicate that you would do well at grad
school, are perhaps all bad reasons to be at grad school. But again, I am not alone in my reasons for being here.
Now that I am here, I have to admit that I have become more "grad school"
material. I actually take (some) pleasure in dealing with "hard" problems and even theoretical issues are somewhat appealing (mind you, you have to catch me on a REALLY good day for that one). I would imagine that most students have the same to report and so, perhaps it is better that we didn't avoid grad school
because we were not coming here for the right reasons. But the whole point of this space filler in the UTEP's 1st ever CS RagMag is to appeal for a little better guidance in the
issues mentioned here. If this guidance is not possible because of the nature of CS and research in general , then let us know well in advance.
If nothing else, we will not be fretting for the duration of our research whether or not things are proceeding as they should be, and whether or not we will really graduate when we hope to. If this letter offends anyone, I'm sorry but the editors insisted that I should submit something serious. So if there's
any grade-changing to be done, see the editors. I'm innocent, I didn't do it, nobody saw me . . . . .
Bart Simpson
Editors note: We didn't insist anything. . . . . . . .
Furniture Can Be a Pain in the . . .
This letter concerns the condition of our furniture (i.e. chairs). These chairs have been here probably since the Engineering Complex had been built and they are filthy. (You know the ones that are sitting in the 3rd floor VAX, the Engineering Excellence Study Center, all the professor offices, and most likely the one you are sitting on now). I would like to see one weekend, all the chairs collected and steam cleaned. I'm sure that the departments can do this. It is kind of embarrassing when someone from another college comes by and has to sit on one of these chairs. Especially, if we sit down in one just before an interview in our best business attire. It might not be the number one priority of the department but take a look at the chair you sit on, if it's in pretty good condition, your lucky.
James M . Ochoa
ACM ( President )
DISCLAIMER : . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .The views expressed may or may not be the views of the editors, depending on your attitude. Comments and letters are always welcome and appreciated. Anonymous letters will not be
accepted, but letters may be printed anonymously by request. Comments and letters may either be dropped off in the UPE/ACM box in the EE office (EE301), or may be submitted by e-mail to: ragmag@utep-vaxa
THE RAGMAG STAFF
Bonnie Traylor Editor
Mike Pedroza Associate Editor
Mike Segapeli Associate Editor
Richard Watson Real Journalist/Contributor
John Kennedy Contributor
